Wanna be a -- baller, shot caller
Twenty inch blades -- on the Impala
A caller gettin laid tonight
Swisher rolled tight, gotta spray my ice
I hit the HIIIGHWAY, making money the FLYYYY WAY
But there's got to be a BETT-ER WAYY!
A better way, better way, YEAH-AHHHH
Almost three and half years ago, I took a cross country trip from central Illinois to Seattle with my friend Megan. I was about to begin graduate school and needed to move everything I owned from my parents house to my new apartment. Assuming (incorrectly, I may add) that I would never complete such a trip ever again, Megan and I stretched the experience out as many days as humanly possible by doing as many obscure activities as humanly possible: swimming in one of the 10,000 lakes of Minnesota, giving out my phone number to townies in South Dakota, *almost* spending the night at shady motels, and frequenting dive bars in Montana. These activities were interlaced with the structured, scheduled activities that anyone driving I-90 has to take: Mount Rushmore, the Badlands, Battle at Little Big Horn, and of course Yellowstone National Park. Maybe it was the fact that I was working on one hour of sleep after a failed camping experience or the fact that Megan and I had spent 4 straight days together and we resorting to awful ideas like ‘Hey, Let’s talk about religion!” or “Remember that time…”, but I remember not particularly enjoying the Yellowstone day. From like 8 am to about 6 pm, we spent the entire day driving along the paved roads that weave through Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. Sure, we saw a ridiculous number of buffalo, a few antelope, and a single fox, but I really left the parks unaffected. To me, the experience wasn’t really that exciting. Instead of walking through a zoo and seeing tons of animals through cages, we drove around in our car and saw a selected number of animals in their semi-natural habitat. I just couldn’t really buy into this philosophy of being in the wild when I was never 30 seconds away from my car.
I bring this up because I spent the past weekend at South Luangwe National Park going on game drives. A few weeks ago, my friends Kristen and Nicole suggested we all take a trip together to take advantage of our four day Easter Holiday. They are both interns who are leaving in June and they wanted to get that true African safari experience before they left. I don’t want to give the impression that I also wasn’t excited; I definitely wanted to get out of Lusaka, hang out with my friends, and take advantage of the fact that I’ll get to do something I never, ever thought I would get to do. I’m a pretty lame, unadventurous guy, but even I wasn’t going to pass down a perfect opportunity like going on a safari with friends without having to skip work.
My excitement was kind of tempered, though, due to my last national park experience. As excited as I was to see the animals, I figured I’d be disappointed by what ended up being an unauthentic experience. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The trip went absolutely fantastic. It started off a little shaky when we got that not so subtle reminder that we were still in Zambia. Despite having tickets which we paid for, our reservations for the plane somehow got canceled. Luckily, we went through a travel agent who put a squeeze on the airline. We were promised that we’d either make it on the plane if others didn’t show up or they’d charter a single engine plane to take us. As ‘baller’ as having a chartered plane sounds, I wasn’t exactly sure how excited I would have been: how good of quality is that Cesna going to be if it’s found it’s way to a small African flight company? We did, however, get on the main flight. It was a 23 seater with a single flight attendant and an unclosed curtain which allowed you to watch the pilots fly. Much to my surprise, they offered all sorts of beverages free of change, include alcohol. Sure, it was 2 pm in the afternoon, it was going to be a one hour flight, and I don’t really like beer, but I’m pretty sure I’m morally obligated to take advantage of such an opportunity.
It’s at this point that I need to point out that this weekend wasn’t intended to be a rough camping excursion out in the bush. We were staying at one of the nicer resorts; this means prestine and spacious rooms, warm water, three high quality meals, and being treated like quasi-royalty. So, when our flight arrived at our destination we were immediately greeted by Paul, the guy who would be taking us on all of our game drives over the next 2 days.
From the airport, we almost immediately start the game drive. We make a quick pit stop at the resort so that we can check out the room, drop off our luggage, and rest for a few minutes and then take the 10 minute drive into the park. Even before we officially enter the park, we start seeing animals right and left. Two giraffe here, three elephants about 100 yards away there, etc. When we enter the park, we progressively start seeing animals closer and closer to the trails we are driving on. We ended up driving around for about 3 hours until 8 p.m.
It wouldn’t be a posting from me if I didn’t make a portion of this blog dedicated to random things that only I would think of our enjoy. The first was the 2002 musical hit ‘Wanna Be a Baller’ by Lil’ Troy. That song immediately popped in my head every time we saw a herd of impala (from the antelope family--- essentially a light lunch for lions). The survival niche for these animals isn’t their cunning, speed, or intelligence, but their amazing ability to reproduce in abudance. We kept on seeing them, I kept on thinking of ‘20 inch blades’, and I now feel lame admitting to knoeing this song.
The other highlight was our instigation of an elephant. At night, there is a second dood (besides our driver Paul) who shines a flashlight all over in the hopes of spotting an animal. When we finally spot something, he keeps the flashlight pointed at the animal(s) and we stop the car. The very first night we pull up next to an elephant that was maybe 15 feet away. The elephant acted as docile and unaffected by the spotlight as I assumed it would; I was always under the impression that elephants are chill. Either it was lulling us to a false sense of security or it really grew attached to our presence, because as soon as we started pulling away it started taking a few steps toward charging us. After I let out an expletive and the car got sufficiently far away, the elephant went back to grazing. Meanwhile, another car trailed behind us and the elephant was unaffected. We eventually had to turn around moments later on the same round and pass the elephant again. It was still roughly in the same location and still grazing. However, I’m absolutely convinced that it was plotting the worst sneak attack since Eric versus Topenga on Boy Meets World. It positioned itself behind a bush (I think it was trying to hide) and started moving towards the vehicle and making elephant sounds as soon as we passed. It obviously was a failed attempt, but it definitely gets the blood moving as your sight/sound reflexes start going into overload.
We ended up going on three more game drives: Saturday morning, Saturday evening, and Sunday morning. We end up seeing a ridiculous number of animals: elephants, giraffes, baboons, hippos, zebra, impala, pukulu (larger impalas), buffalos (less hair/curlier horns than those in the States), warthogs, crocodile, hyena, wild dogs (I know dogs sound zzzzzz, but apparently these are extremely rare – less than 100 in the entire park- and are only seen about once every two weeks.), and an uncountable number of birds whose names I have surely forgotten. The only blemish on the game drives was our inability to ever spot lions. You’re never guaranteed to see certain animals, but that’s one that you really do associate with a game drive and it’s disappointing it didn’t happen. We were apparently close a few times (Paul spotted fresh tracks), but no dice.
The safari was punctuated with numerous ‘Great Moments in Mark History’ moments. As the trip progressed, I started getting better and better at spotting animals. I attribute this to my decision to break out my sun glasses from my life guarding days and start scanning the landscape as intensely as I did at the pool. I was like a ninja out there, spotting animals like Costanza can spot dimes. After outspotting our guide a few times, I started to get arrogant and let it go to my head. I’d start saying this like, “You prolly can’t see them now, but there is gonna be elephants on your right coming up.” I’m not going to lie, the praise and adoration was nice. It all came crashing down after I confused (1) a butterfly with a bird and (2) flock of birds to be buffalo (the grass was high and it was far away!)
If it’s not reflecting in my writing, I’ll officially let it be known that the trip was fantastic. It was kind of fitting that this was how I 'celebrated' being in Zambia for six months. The thing is, the stuff I enjoyed the most wasn’t necessarily the animals. I loved being outside and driving around the park, feeling the warmth of the sun with the wind catapulting bugs at our face. I enjoyed the clear sky at night and being able to see the Southern Cross (the Southern Hemisphere’s variant of the North Star). I loved the flight back, where I tenaciously requested the flight attendant for a beer – and he made it even better by giving us a 2nd one before our hour flight ended. Of course, the greatest highlight was just getting to hang out and experience something with my two best friends in Lusaka. The ridiculous number of animal sightings was just gravy.
A few final higlights of Mark being an absolute moron.
1.) Being out in the African sun for 4 hours at a time + taking an anti malaria prophylaxis + forgetting to wear sunscreen = bad combination. I got torched.
Almost three and half years ago, I took a cross country trip from central Illinois to Seattle with my friend Megan. I was about to begin graduate school and needed to move everything I owned from my parents house to my new apartment. Assuming (incorrectly, I may add) that I would never complete such a trip ever again, Megan and I stretched the experience out as many days as humanly possible by doing as many obscure activities as humanly possible: swimming in one of the 10,000 lakes of Minnesota, giving out my phone number to townies in South Dakota, *almost* spending the night at shady motels, and frequenting dive bars in Montana. These activities were interlaced with the structured, scheduled activities that anyone driving I-90 has to take: Mount Rushmore, the Badlands, Battle at Little Big Horn, and of course Yellowstone National Park. Maybe it was the fact that I was working on one hour of sleep after a failed camping experience or the fact that Megan and I had spent 4 straight days together and we resorting to awful ideas like ‘Hey, Let’s talk about religion!” or “Remember that time…”, but I remember not particularly enjoying the Yellowstone day. From like 8 am to about 6 pm, we spent the entire day driving along the paved roads that weave through Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. Sure, we saw a ridiculous number of buffalo, a few antelope, and a single fox, but I really left the parks unaffected. To me, the experience wasn’t really that exciting. Instead of walking through a zoo and seeing tons of animals through cages, we drove around in our car and saw a selected number of animals in their semi-natural habitat. I just couldn’t really buy into this philosophy of being in the wild when I was never 30 seconds away from my car.
I bring this up because I spent the past weekend at South Luangwe National Park going on game drives. A few weeks ago, my friends Kristen and Nicole suggested we all take a trip together to take advantage of our four day Easter Holiday. They are both interns who are leaving in June and they wanted to get that true African safari experience before they left. I don’t want to give the impression that I also wasn’t excited; I definitely wanted to get out of Lusaka, hang out with my friends, and take advantage of the fact that I’ll get to do something I never, ever thought I would get to do. I’m a pretty lame, unadventurous guy, but even I wasn’t going to pass down a perfect opportunity like going on a safari with friends without having to skip work.
My excitement was kind of tempered, though, due to my last national park experience. As excited as I was to see the animals, I figured I’d be disappointed by what ended up being an unauthentic experience. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The trip went absolutely fantastic. It started off a little shaky when we got that not so subtle reminder that we were still in Zambia. Despite having tickets which we paid for, our reservations for the plane somehow got canceled. Luckily, we went through a travel agent who put a squeeze on the airline. We were promised that we’d either make it on the plane if others didn’t show up or they’d charter a single engine plane to take us. As ‘baller’ as having a chartered plane sounds, I wasn’t exactly sure how excited I would have been: how good of quality is that Cesna going to be if it’s found it’s way to a small African flight company? We did, however, get on the main flight. It was a 23 seater with a single flight attendant and an unclosed curtain which allowed you to watch the pilots fly. Much to my surprise, they offered all sorts of beverages free of change, include alcohol. Sure, it was 2 pm in the afternoon, it was going to be a one hour flight, and I don’t really like beer, but I’m pretty sure I’m morally obligated to take advantage of such an opportunity.
It’s at this point that I need to point out that this weekend wasn’t intended to be a rough camping excursion out in the bush. We were staying at one of the nicer resorts; this means prestine and spacious rooms, warm water, three high quality meals, and being treated like quasi-royalty. So, when our flight arrived at our destination we were immediately greeted by Paul, the guy who would be taking us on all of our game drives over the next 2 days.
From the airport, we almost immediately start the game drive. We make a quick pit stop at the resort so that we can check out the room, drop off our luggage, and rest for a few minutes and then take the 10 minute drive into the park. Even before we officially enter the park, we start seeing animals right and left. Two giraffe here, three elephants about 100 yards away there, etc. When we enter the park, we progressively start seeing animals closer and closer to the trails we are driving on. We ended up driving around for about 3 hours until 8 p.m.
It wouldn’t be a posting from me if I didn’t make a portion of this blog dedicated to random things that only I would think of our enjoy. The first was the 2002 musical hit ‘Wanna Be a Baller’ by Lil’ Troy. That song immediately popped in my head every time we saw a herd of impala (from the antelope family--- essentially a light lunch for lions). The survival niche for these animals isn’t their cunning, speed, or intelligence, but their amazing ability to reproduce in abudance. We kept on seeing them, I kept on thinking of ‘20 inch blades’, and I now feel lame admitting to knoeing this song.
The other highlight was our instigation of an elephant. At night, there is a second dood (besides our driver Paul) who shines a flashlight all over in the hopes of spotting an animal. When we finally spot something, he keeps the flashlight pointed at the animal(s) and we stop the car. The very first night we pull up next to an elephant that was maybe 15 feet away. The elephant acted as docile and unaffected by the spotlight as I assumed it would; I was always under the impression that elephants are chill. Either it was lulling us to a false sense of security or it really grew attached to our presence, because as soon as we started pulling away it started taking a few steps toward charging us. After I let out an expletive and the car got sufficiently far away, the elephant went back to grazing. Meanwhile, another car trailed behind us and the elephant was unaffected. We eventually had to turn around moments later on the same round and pass the elephant again. It was still roughly in the same location and still grazing. However, I’m absolutely convinced that it was plotting the worst sneak attack since Eric versus Topenga on Boy Meets World. It positioned itself behind a bush (I think it was trying to hide) and started moving towards the vehicle and making elephant sounds as soon as we passed. It obviously was a failed attempt, but it definitely gets the blood moving as your sight/sound reflexes start going into overload.
We ended up going on three more game drives: Saturday morning, Saturday evening, and Sunday morning. We end up seeing a ridiculous number of animals: elephants, giraffes, baboons, hippos, zebra, impala, pukulu (larger impalas), buffalos (less hair/curlier horns than those in the States), warthogs, crocodile, hyena, wild dogs (I know dogs sound zzzzzz, but apparently these are extremely rare – less than 100 in the entire park- and are only seen about once every two weeks.), and an uncountable number of birds whose names I have surely forgotten. The only blemish on the game drives was our inability to ever spot lions. You’re never guaranteed to see certain animals, but that’s one that you really do associate with a game drive and it’s disappointing it didn’t happen. We were apparently close a few times (Paul spotted fresh tracks), but no dice.
The safari was punctuated with numerous ‘Great Moments in Mark History’ moments. As the trip progressed, I started getting better and better at spotting animals. I attribute this to my decision to break out my sun glasses from my life guarding days and start scanning the landscape as intensely as I did at the pool. I was like a ninja out there, spotting animals like Costanza can spot dimes. After outspotting our guide a few times, I started to get arrogant and let it go to my head. I’d start saying this like, “You prolly can’t see them now, but there is gonna be elephants on your right coming up.” I’m not going to lie, the praise and adoration was nice. It all came crashing down after I confused (1) a butterfly with a bird and (2) flock of birds to be buffalo (the grass was high and it was far away!)
If it’s not reflecting in my writing, I’ll officially let it be known that the trip was fantastic. It was kind of fitting that this was how I 'celebrated' being in Zambia for six months. The thing is, the stuff I enjoyed the most wasn’t necessarily the animals. I loved being outside and driving around the park, feeling the warmth of the sun with the wind catapulting bugs at our face. I enjoyed the clear sky at night and being able to see the Southern Cross (the Southern Hemisphere’s variant of the North Star). I loved the flight back, where I tenaciously requested the flight attendant for a beer – and he made it even better by giving us a 2nd one before our hour flight ended. Of course, the greatest highlight was just getting to hang out and experience something with my two best friends in Lusaka. The ridiculous number of animal sightings was just gravy.
A few final higlights of Mark being an absolute moron.
1.) Being out in the African sun for 4 hours at a time + taking an anti malaria prophylaxis + forgetting to wear sunscreen = bad combination. I got torched.
2.) Never walk to the edge of any body of water. Apparently, there are these animals called crocodiles that may be in the same vicinity.
3.) Never, ever ask hypothetical questions like, “What would happen if someone threw tree seeds in the park?” or “What would happen if an animal was hit by the car?” I learned the valuable lesson that, even though English is the native language here, not everything is interpreted the same way. I’m fairly convinced that our guide misinterpreted my pure curiosity as an indication of my intentions to do something dumb. I’m still not sure he knew I wasn’t plotting anything.
1 comment:
As one who shared (and contributed) in your previous hesitation to visit any more National Park-like places, I'm pleased to read you had a great Safari!
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