I went to my 1st official government sanctioned event this past weekend: A U.S. Embassy sponsored pot luck braii (a fancy word for BBQ) at the Marine House. I would give more details (such as meticulously detailed layout of the residence for the six marines protecting American interests here in Zambia or sensitive government documents they passed around for us to browse during dinner), but I fear the viewership of my blog has increased too dramatically. I am about 95% certain one of the 1455 anonymous readers is tracking my every word in hopes I say something I shouldn’t. So, no details.
I will, however, use this blog entry as a platform to make my ridiculously amazing NFL predictions. As many of you may now, I have been fine-tuning a NFL hypothesis I refer to as the Pennington-Broth Corollary. 4 seasons away, B-Roth and Pennington met for the first time in the AFC playoffs. It was an epic game in which the Steelers won but the Jets covered the spread. I, of course, had picked the Jets +8. Little did I realize that the significance of this game went far beyond just another win in my celebrated history of NFL Playoff ATS dominance. Out of respect for each other’s dominance, Pennington and B-Roth made a mutual agreement to rotate years of NFL dominance. Absurd? Hardly.
2005: Steelers win the Superbowl. Pennington ‘conveniently’ gets injured and the Jets struggle.
2006: Jets dominate a weak schedule resulting from their previous season. He gives us the most amazing regular season in NFL history. Their season ends only because the 2007 Playoffs were what I refer to as ‘the Bizarro Playoffs.’ B-Roth ‘coincidentally’ falls off his motorcycle before the season starts. He fake a life-threatening concussion, misses the first few games, and struggles to an 8-8 season. How could this possibly NOT be staged? Coming into that season, B-Roth had accumulated a ridiculous record of, like, 171-4 since grade school. 2 of those games were against the Patriots and another was against a BCS-caliber Iowa Hawkeye team while B-Roth was surrounded by MAC teammates. B-Roth realized he had to stage a near-death experience so that people might believe his team would finish 8-8.
So, that brings us to 2007: B-Roth’s turn. I have made the conscious decision to not follow the NFL during the regular season because I already knoe what will happen: B-Roth will either completely dominate the regular season or fake an injury halfway through. Either way, he willeventually win the Superbowl. It is impossible for him to lose without trying. I am hoping that it is the later, because I selfishly want to see Tommy Maddox in the NFL again and it would make the NFL playoff lines much easier if the Steelers don’t enter 16-0. Meanwhile, Pennington is going to fake some injury, the Jets will be awful, and I’ll get a chance next year at another 300-1 line on the Jets winning the SB.
My only hope is that this post will be enough evidence for me to receive credit in 20 years for being the first to realize the ‘Pennington-Broth corollary’.
P.S. I'll disown anyone who tries to tell me about the NFL before January.
I will, however, use this blog entry as a platform to make my ridiculously amazing NFL predictions. As many of you may now, I have been fine-tuning a NFL hypothesis I refer to as the Pennington-Broth Corollary. 4 seasons away, B-Roth and Pennington met for the first time in the AFC playoffs. It was an epic game in which the Steelers won but the Jets covered the spread. I, of course, had picked the Jets +8. Little did I realize that the significance of this game went far beyond just another win in my celebrated history of NFL Playoff ATS dominance. Out of respect for each other’s dominance, Pennington and B-Roth made a mutual agreement to rotate years of NFL dominance. Absurd? Hardly.
2005: Steelers win the Superbowl. Pennington ‘conveniently’ gets injured and the Jets struggle.
2006: Jets dominate a weak schedule resulting from their previous season. He gives us the most amazing regular season in NFL history. Their season ends only because the 2007 Playoffs were what I refer to as ‘the Bizarro Playoffs.’ B-Roth ‘coincidentally’ falls off his motorcycle before the season starts. He fake a life-threatening concussion, misses the first few games, and struggles to an 8-8 season. How could this possibly NOT be staged? Coming into that season, B-Roth had accumulated a ridiculous record of, like, 171-4 since grade school. 2 of those games were against the Patriots and another was against a BCS-caliber Iowa Hawkeye team while B-Roth was surrounded by MAC teammates. B-Roth realized he had to stage a near-death experience so that people might believe his team would finish 8-8.
So, that brings us to 2007: B-Roth’s turn. I have made the conscious decision to not follow the NFL during the regular season because I already knoe what will happen: B-Roth will either completely dominate the regular season or fake an injury halfway through. Either way, he willeventually win the Superbowl. It is impossible for him to lose without trying. I am hoping that it is the later, because I selfishly want to see Tommy Maddox in the NFL again and it would make the NFL playoff lines much easier if the Steelers don’t enter 16-0. Meanwhile, Pennington is going to fake some injury, the Jets will be awful, and I’ll get a chance next year at another 300-1 line on the Jets winning the SB.
My only hope is that this post will be enough evidence for me to receive credit in 20 years for being the first to realize the ‘Pennington-Broth corollary’.
P.S. I'll disown anyone who tries to tell me about the NFL before January.
5 comments:
I won't talk about the NFL, but...
The Los Angeles Clippers signed free agent guard Dan Dickau on Wednesday.
Let me know if you want me to parlay the Steelers to win the Superbowl and the Clippers to win the NBA Finals for you.
Go Zags!
Outside of Dickau returning to the Hawks or playing again for Byron Scott, this has to be the greatest news of all time. Wait. No. Pope getting hit by a bus would be the greatest new of all time. But this is a close second. Go zags!
I hate Ben Roethlisberger.
Waaaah, the Seahawks are terrible and blew a chance at winning a Super Bowl. Waah, it was obviously the refs fault because there is no way Hassleback wanted the ball and couldn't score. Waah!
Whatever. Matt Hasselback is building a vacation home in Wenatchee, so clearly, he's awesome.
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